Last night I went to hear David Brooks share some of the highlights from his new book How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. I highly recommend the book.
Mr. Brooks suggests that in every crowd there are Diminishers and Illuminators. Diminishers make people feel small and unseen. Illuminators master the craft of understanding others.
He said to the audience, “I probably don’t know you personally, but I can make the following statement with a high degree of confidence: you’re not as good at reading people as you think you are.”
He cited the research by William Ickes that shows people are accurate reading the thoughts of others about 20% of the time. With family members it rises to 35%. Ickes found that the longer people are married, the less accurate they are at reading each other.
Yet, Mr. Brooks said that what people most long for is to be seen, be heard and be respected.
The book lays out the steps for becoming a more skilled Illuminator.
What does this mean for you?
See Others Your ability to see, hear and respect others contributes to your success in every part of your life. Your clients, partner, kids, parents and people standing in line at the grocery store all want to be around people who see them. Do you remember the movie Avatar in which the greeting--and sign of respect-- was, "I see you!"
Build Skills You can develop and nurture skills to help you see others deeply. Read the book and find out how.
Be an Expert Read this book to see a master at expert positioning. Notice how David Brooks created a package of intellectual property that can be easily summarized and communicated: your ever-evolving skill at seeing others matters. He provided stories and data to support his hypothesis. He created new words: Diminishers and Illuminators. What are your big ideas? What words can you “own”?
Ask, “How well am I understood?” The message you deliver personally or professionally is not the message your communication partner receives. What if you knew that a prospect or client or colleague only heard a fraction of your message? Is it worth exploring what the other person is taking away after listening to you?
Make New Friends David Brooks joins others in drawing our attention to the growing epidemic of loneliness. You can make new friends at any stage of life. As I moved back to Seattle I set the intention of cultivating new friendships. In fact, I invited a woman I knew causally to attend last night’s event with me. Faith, an 80-year-old former Washington State Supreme Court Justice delighted me with her stories and perspectives.
Leave the House! Staying home has become a habit during the pandemic. I’ve already joined the livestream of three author presentation in the Seattle Arts and Lectures series from the comfort of my own home. Leaving the house requires extra effort. Faith and I both got in our cars, drove downtown and paid for parking. Plus, she dressed like a Hollywood movie star! But, oh, the delight of being in a beautiful venue and in the beauty of community.
Say Yes I flew back into town literally hours before the event, running on fumes from sleeping about 2 hours the night before. I pushed myself out of the house, looking longingly at my bed. After the event, Faith suggested we grab a drink. Bed or drink? Bed or drink? I said yes to the drink. Faith recommended an elegant hotel her father frequented. Guess who we ran into in the lobby? Yes, David Brooks and his wife (we think)! We were able to thank him for the wonderful presentation, and shake his hand. His gracious response to us checked the boxes he shared in the talk.
Enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner Set the intention to be an Illuminator. Get curious about how and why a person holds a belief—especially if it’s a belief you don’t share. Remember, behind every belief there’s a story. Find the story!
Thank You! I see you sharing your gifts with the world. I see your commitment to excellence. I’m grateful that you choose to participate in this community.
Hope you have lovely Thanksgiving celebration!
To your success,
Dr. Vicki
Mr. Brooks suggests that in every crowd there are Diminishers and Illuminators. Diminishers make people feel small and unseen. Illuminators master the craft of understanding others.
He said to the audience, “I probably don’t know you personally, but I can make the following statement with a high degree of confidence: you’re not as good at reading people as you think you are.”
He cited the research by William Ickes that shows people are accurate reading the thoughts of others about 20% of the time. With family members it rises to 35%. Ickes found that the longer people are married, the less accurate they are at reading each other.
Yet, Mr. Brooks said that what people most long for is to be seen, be heard and be respected.
The book lays out the steps for becoming a more skilled Illuminator.
What does this mean for you?
See Others Your ability to see, hear and respect others contributes to your success in every part of your life. Your clients, partner, kids, parents and people standing in line at the grocery store all want to be around people who see them. Do you remember the movie Avatar in which the greeting--and sign of respect-- was, "I see you!"
Build Skills You can develop and nurture skills to help you see others deeply. Read the book and find out how.
Be an Expert Read this book to see a master at expert positioning. Notice how David Brooks created a package of intellectual property that can be easily summarized and communicated: your ever-evolving skill at seeing others matters. He provided stories and data to support his hypothesis. He created new words: Diminishers and Illuminators. What are your big ideas? What words can you “own”?
Ask, “How well am I understood?” The message you deliver personally or professionally is not the message your communication partner receives. What if you knew that a prospect or client or colleague only heard a fraction of your message? Is it worth exploring what the other person is taking away after listening to you?
Make New Friends David Brooks joins others in drawing our attention to the growing epidemic of loneliness. You can make new friends at any stage of life. As I moved back to Seattle I set the intention of cultivating new friendships. In fact, I invited a woman I knew causally to attend last night’s event with me. Faith, an 80-year-old former Washington State Supreme Court Justice delighted me with her stories and perspectives.
Leave the House! Staying home has become a habit during the pandemic. I’ve already joined the livestream of three author presentation in the Seattle Arts and Lectures series from the comfort of my own home. Leaving the house requires extra effort. Faith and I both got in our cars, drove downtown and paid for parking. Plus, she dressed like a Hollywood movie star! But, oh, the delight of being in a beautiful venue and in the beauty of community.
Say Yes I flew back into town literally hours before the event, running on fumes from sleeping about 2 hours the night before. I pushed myself out of the house, looking longingly at my bed. After the event, Faith suggested we grab a drink. Bed or drink? Bed or drink? I said yes to the drink. Faith recommended an elegant hotel her father frequented. Guess who we ran into in the lobby? Yes, David Brooks and his wife (we think)! We were able to thank him for the wonderful presentation, and shake his hand. His gracious response to us checked the boxes he shared in the talk.
Enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner Set the intention to be an Illuminator. Get curious about how and why a person holds a belief—especially if it’s a belief you don’t share. Remember, behind every belief there’s a story. Find the story!
Thank You! I see you sharing your gifts with the world. I see your commitment to excellence. I’m grateful that you choose to participate in this community.
Hope you have lovely Thanksgiving celebration!
To your success,
Dr. Vicki